But First, Baby Robots
Hello, my name is Herbie. I am an A.C.R.O. I was made by Christina's cousin Jacqui. A.C.R.O stands for Adorably Cute Robot Overlord.
My primary function as an overlord is to serve as a reminder that ROBOTS RULE ALL!!! I do this as a service to Christina, who has for some reason forsaken what would obviously be her best book ever (because it was about robots). Instead, she has chosen to waste her time writing not one, but SEVEN books about supernatural creatures who are not robots. In fact, there are no robots in the first book at all!
I have done all that I can. I sit, high above her on this budget IKEA bookshelf that I have claimed as my command center, silently judging her and staring death rays at her. Do you even know how hard it is to stare death rays when your eyes are made of yarn?
|The power of synthetic fiber compels you!|
Seven books. No robots. Worst of all, she has only published the first one. Sure, she sits there with her laptop humming away, acting like she's busy with the next, but I know better. I see her checking Facebook and Twitter. I hear her swearing and vowing that the chapter she is working on is THE WORST! I get it, writing about non-robots is pointless, but she insists.
Which is why I need your help. We need to speed this process along so that she can return to the glory that is PRINCESS ROBOT COMMANDER, a trilogy so awesome it requires robot intervention.
|Have a seat over there.|
In my observations, I have discovered that humans are greedy creatures who are motivated by fortune and glory. Successful authors make money, which inspires them to write more because that will get them more money. So I have a plan. My plan is called A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. which is an acronym (as the humans say, see what I did there?) for Adorably Cute Robot Overlord Needs Your Money.
As I am a robot, it is not outside my power to steal this money. I am a robot, I command all, I can crush your puny banks! But I have been told this is frowned upon. I have also been told that I am less than one foot tall and full of poly-fill and that I cannot actually do any of those things no matter how many times I stomp my tiny feet and tell myself otherwise.
|I am God! A god I say!|
So instead, I am asking for your money. Buy Christina's books. Buy them all. Buy so many books that she becomes full of greed and blazes through this silly seven book series about the humorous trials of non-robots and their plight to save the world from chaos. Buy the books, then tell her how much better they would be with robots. BY MY ROBOT POWERS I COMMAND YOU! And also ask you nicely, because I am a benevolent overlord.
|Like TLC, I ain't too proud to beg.|
The fate of my people is in your hands. Will you have the courage to rise up and demand the compelling tale of a misfit socialite who discovers that she alone holds the key to commanding a robot battalion and freeing her people? Do I have to use robo-hypnosis? I don't even know if robo-hypnosis is a thing I can do.
The views expressed in this post are those of Herbie the A.C.R.O. unit and do not reflect the views of author Christina McMullen. However, she would be grateful if you purchased her books. Herbie may or may not have used robo-hypnosis on her.